Category Archives: Humour

Traditional Blindness!

The more views this post of mine gets, the more are the chances of me facing the wrath especially from the likes of Sooraj Barjatya, Ekta Kapoor and their followers. Contradictory to your thoughts, I am not thrashing the genre of movies and serials they produce (that will require me to write a book than a mere blog post). The thing which I am going to express has been going in my mind since years. Finally, I have found time to explode this thing onto my blog, without giving a damn to the criticisms and gaalis!

Before starting off, I would like to make myself clear that I have deep respect for Indian culture and traditions. However, there are some beliefs and practices which appear to me as plain stupid or illogical. I am not one of those huge majority of Indians, who unquestionably and blindly follow some beliefs despite being aware of its absurdity. So, here’s the list of those practices or beliefs which I find trashy: –

  • Husband-Worship: A husband and a wife are considered life partners. They are two people who have decided to stay together since they love each other (in most of the cases I suppose). If this is the case, then why the hell is the wife expected to give a Godly status to her husband? Why does the society make the husband look superior to his wife by promoting beliefs like Pati parmeshwar hota hai and Patni ki jagah pati ke charanon mein hoti hain? The man is not doing any ehsaan on the girl or her family by marrying her. After all, isn’t he in need of a wife just like the girl is in need of a husband?
  • Right-Hand Theory: Innumerable times during my childhood I was ordered not to use my left hand while accepting prashaad or money. Yes, I know the left hand is used for some ‘other’ thing but don’t we wash our hands or take a bath after that activity? So what’s the big deal in using that hand? It’s just a part of our body yaar! And if the hand is considered so inauspicious, don’t use it for any purpose and just keep it reserved for ‘that’ activity. If discrimination amongst people on the basis of religion, region or caste isn’t enough, we also have discrimination between our body parts!
  • Karvachauth Hangover: After following innumerable number of movies and serials, these wives keep Karvachauth Ka Vrat for the long life of their husbands. But the big question remains – why only the wife prays for her husband’s long life and why not vice versa? And by the way, how can anyone be a fool enough to believe that such a thing actually increases someone’s life span? What biological changes does the body experience that increases the life expectancy due to this bloody vrat?
  • A Curse in Disguise: It is annoying to see phrases like ‘Sada Suhagan Raho’ and ‘Akhand Saubhagyawati’ being considered as the most auspicious of blessings. It is indirectly telling the girl, “Bhagwan kare tere pati ke pehle tu mare!” How can you hope or wish for someone’s death? Or do these people still believe that a woman won’t be able to live alone even in today’s era? You talk of women’s liberation but at the same time keep promoting such curses. Why not a single pro-women group has ever raised its voice against such a ghastly gender bias?

Today, modernism is only limited to clothes, appearance and way of speaking while the thinking continues to remain backwards courtesy these beliefs. Our society will be truly modern only when logic and equality will rule every institution and phenomenon. Until that time – Andhera Kaayam Rahen!

Damn These Dialogues!

By: Keyur Seta

Right from its inception, Bollywood has churned out some memorable flicks with some classy and landmark dialogues. However, amongst these praiseworthy dialogues, there have also been some which are plain idiotic.

Surprisingly, many of these stupid lines have appeared in movies which are highly regarded and respected. Being subjected to hearing such lines since childhood, I can’t help but make fun of them. There’s some force which is compelling me to interpret these dialogues (in capital letters) in my way, which can be more idiotic than the original lines!

–  Agar tumne uske saath shaadi ki to mera maraa moo dekhogi! – AS IF OTHER PARTS OF YOUR BODY WOULD BE ALIVE.

– Main tera khoon pee jaaunga – A HOPELESS AND HELPLESS VICTIM OF WATER SHORTAGE.

– Doctor tells a lady that her husband is no more and she says, “Keh do ki yeh jhoot hai!” Just imagine the doctor saying, “Haan aisi situations mein mujhe mazaak karne ki aadat hain.”

– Yeh gaajar ka halwa maine apne haathon se banaya hain – YES WE CAN COOK FROM DIFFERENT PARTS OF OUR BODY.

– Nikaah kabool hain? – NAHIN YAAR. MAIN YAHAN ITNE ACHHE SE TAYAAR HOKE SIRF TIMEPASS KARNE AAYAA/AAI HOON!

– Kanoon ke haath bohat lambe hote hain – KAASH PAIR BHI LAMBE HOTE TO POLICE TIME PE POHOCHTI!

– Mera dimaag mat khao – MAIN SADI HUI CHEEZEN NAHIN KHATA!

– Bachne ka koi rasta nahin. Police ne tumhe chaaron taraf se gher liya hai – THEN WHY YOU SOUNDING SO PETRIFIED?

– Itne kharche? Ghar mein ek phooti kaudi nahin hain – AGAR HOTI TO BHI KYA HO JATA? IS IT ACCEPTED AS CURRENCY IN INDIA?

– Main kahan hoon? Main kaun hoon? – ACTUALLY YOU SHOULD ASK, “MAIN KYUN HOON?”

– A typical maa asks with a startling and spooky expression, “Tumne mujhe maa kaha? – GALTI HO  GAYI. PHIR SE NAHIN KAHUNGAA!

(And now the killer of all:-)

– Aage jaane ke liye tumhe meri laash pe se guzarna hoga – NAHIN MAIN ITNA BHI NIRDAY NAHIN HOON. MAIN LAASH KE SIDE MEIN SE CHALA JAAUNGA. I WILL MANAGE ALL RIGHT!

Having made fun of all these lines, I still want the idiocy to continue so that I can write more such blog posts!